Photo: Photo Alto

Maybe you cry. Maybe you snap. Maybe you feel like you just.... can’t. Or you’re getting that insidious urge to put something off to a mythical “tomorrow.’’ These are sure signs that you’ve lost your emotional energy, the sense of well-being and upbeat optimism that invigorates you and also imbues those around you with some of your can-do, want-to, life-loving sparkle.

When we’re low on emo, “Everything becomes a to-do list, whether it’s showing up for the people you love or doing the things you love,” says Jude English, teacher and director of yoga at New York City’s Exhale. So not only do you feel disconnected and overwrought but others notice, too. As New York-based therapist Karen Sherman points out, an overwhelmed mother who rushes home and distractedly greets her children isn’t really on the case. The children can sense her distraction and “feel rejected,” Sherman says, “That mother would have done better to sit in her car for 5 minutes, closed her eyes or listened to a song she loved, and then gone in the house, ready to interact.”

The good news is that it takes far less time to recharge than it does to burn out. Getting back to your yoga practice can make all the difference. So can making the right decisions when faced with many seemingly minor choices that we face every day. Here are some common edible either-ors, and how to choose the alternative that will increase your emotional energy, so you’ll feel empowered and in charge. Call it the Energy Showdown; you just might be surprised at what’s good for you.

The Energy Showdown: Food and Drink

Wine or herbal tea?  Cheers! Sure, a nice chamomile tea can be soothing, but a glass of wine can be that and more. Liz Applegate, M.D., director of sports nutrition at the University of California at Davis, advises sticking to one glass only, but adds, “If you enjoy the taste and a glass has a mild effect on feeling good, then that’s what you deserve.”

Snack or abstain between meals? Go for it. Calories give you energy; hunger weakens the spirit as well as the stomach. And some sweet, juicy fruit or even a piece of chocolate can also serve as a treat you give yourself. The caveats: Show restraint—one chocolate is treat enough--and then make sure you skip the remorse course. Beating yourself up about that chocolate will sink you right back into the emotional energy pit.

High carbs or high fat? You make the call. “Studies about emotional eating show that carbs soothe some people, while others go for fat or protein,” says Applegate (she craves cheese when she’s stressed). “Trust that you know what makes you feel better, and then just keep the portions in check.”
To Do or Not to Do

The Energy Showdown: To Do or Not to Do

Pick up his underwear or ask him to? That's as personal for you as boxers versus briefs is for him. "I pick up my husband's underwear because he does so much around the house. It's my way of thanking him," Dr. Sherman says. "But if you already feel like his mother, then the only time you should pick them up is to smack him with them."

Go out with your needy friend or stay home? Write yourself a hall pass. "Tell your friend that you want to be able to give her your best self, and you just can't do that today," Dr. Sherman says. Learning to draw loving boundaries is essential to protecting your emotional energy.

Accept a last-minute task from your boss or try to escape it? If you're in good stead at work, continue the boundary-setting you started with your needy friend. It's important to be able to say, "Sorry, I just can't this time." Besides, if this new chore is the straw that just might break your camel's back, you won't do as good a job as your colleague anyway.

The Energy Showdown: Relationships

Have the fight or avoid it? This is no time to bottle it up. "Any time I see people who don't fight, it's an indication they don't feel safe with each other," Dr. Sherman says. But keep it civilized, not just because your craziness is hurtful to him but also because feeling out of control is a huge energy suck. "Don't be disrespectful, don't name-call," she says. "Stay on the subject and present what's upsetting you in terms of your feelings, rather than attacking the other person."

Time with your women friends or time with your man? Call your favorite femmes ASAP. Hanging out with your friends is not only fun, it's good for you. Studies show strong relationships with other women improve our psychological and physical health. The added benefit: When you do see your guy, you'll already be feeling nurtured rather than needy, so you'll come to him at your best.

Talk to Mom or put it off? To decide, you've got to be honest about the nature of your relationship. If your mother nurtures you, enjoy an hour of being parented. Otherwise, remember that you're a grown-up who knows how to nurture herself--and then do it.